I've written about it before, but now it's even more dire.
I had a
proper melt down last weekend. Tears on Friday night and Saturday morning because
I HAVE, SNIFFLE, NO TIME, SNIFFLE, TO DO ANYTHING I WAAAAANT.
It led to
a very gingerly walking around boyfriend trying to speak in soft tones, so as
not to wake the screaming tantrum child inside me. Soft, gentle suggestions
like if ‘we help tidy, you’ll have more time’, and ‘if you say you don’t want
to come, you can stay behind and have more time’.
'Time'
became the buzzword of the weekend, as if I was being tormented by constant
clocks, a terrifying ticking. I was a modern day Hook.
I
cancelled plans then remade them because I felt guilty for cancelling them,
knowing that there's no point in having more time if you're going to spend it
feeling shitty.
I
currently have exactly 3229 saved articles on Facebook, ones I’ve saved so I
could go back to when I had more time. I’m seriously contemplating taking two
days holiday off work just so I can get through them.
So as I
was pacing around crying my eyes out, I thought, NO MORE. I’ve talked about it
before, but I just carried on exactly how I did before.
These are
going to be my time commandments:
- No more aimless scrolling - set a time limit.
- Tidy the fuck up during the week so I don't spend all fooking weekend doing it. I'm seriously on the last straw with myself for this. ANY MORE AND IM BREAKING UP WITH MYSELF. 20 minutes a night of putting things away. Washing up half way through the week on a Wednesday. I can’t do it every night, I just caaaaaaaaan’t.
- An hour away from the laptop every night. The laptop is a magical machine that makes time go turbo speed. An hour reading takes everything back a step, slows down my head and gives me just one thing to focus on. And chills me out before going to sleep. And solves the ‘I’m-seeing-20-books-at-the-same-time-player’ problem.
- Make time to exercise/go for a run every other night. Try the stretching for flexibility YouTube video every night.
- Work out how to find time to learn new things and skills. An hour or two every weekend?
I think that’s it. If I can follow my rules, we should have
a happier Jess. *Boyfriend sighs with relief*