Being a Selfish Biatch (aka. Self Care) – World Mental Health Day

I am the biggest advocate of being a selfish bitch. 

I firmly believe everyone reserves the right to be selfish every now and then, and think solely of themselves.

Shall we use the more forgiving term, self-care!

It’s saying no to that night out because you didn’t get any sleep. It’s allowing yourself to feel a bit down and not forcing yourself to have a peppy happy convo when your friend rings up. It’s buying the expensive Lindt chocolate even though that’s Christmas chocolate because you’ve had the journey from hell and need something to cheer you up. It’s leaving the washing up for tomorrow (yes it’s probably already been there for 5 days) because you feel run down and want a bath and a book instead. It’s watching 5 hours of TOWIE after 5 hours of working on your essay, instead of a whole day working on your essay. It’s missing a lecture because you’ve had a really fooking anxious week and for one day, ONE DAY, you want to stay in without having to worry. Perhaps you should have gone, but to make yourself feel even shitter because you didn't go is silly. Be gentle. 

It’s realising that you really really really don’t have to be perfect and live life as you ‘should’ all the time. 

The best quote ever that perfectly explains selfcare is this: 

‘Imagine you had a little child in your care. You'd make every effort to keep her healthy and safe; to love and support her; to be forgiving of her mistakes, her inevitable slips; and to let her know how precious and important she is. That's what a loving parent does. Only, in this case, you're the parent and the child.’ 

You can never go wrong with that in mind! 

If your child had been revising all day, and they start crying because they feel none of it’s going in, would you say: Omg you’re useless, why do you even bother? You know you’re gonna fail, you’re wasting your time. 

HELL NO. 

You would say: You’ve been working so hard, no wonder your brain is frazzled! Have a rest, watch some TV and come back to it tomorrow allllllllllll refreshed. 

Sometimes you get really lost in the spiral of I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Another good way to think about it is imagine that your friend has your problem and is telling you about it, and imagining what you would say to them in response.

E.g. She didn’t text back after I made a joke and I think she really doesn’t like me.

I’d accidentally, automatically say to myself: Fooks sake why did I have to make the joke. I’m so fricken awkward, she doesn’t get me at all and now it’s going to be weird at work. I could tell she didn’t like me. 

Whereas, I’d tell a friend: MATE she’s probably not seen it or forgotten to text back. You can’t assume someone doesn’t like you just because they didn’t text back once, you’re deffo making a mountain out of molehills. Besides, it’s a funny joke and if she didn’t find it funny then she’s way over-sensitive and she can feck off. What we having for tea?! END SCENE

I would always always always choose healthy mind over healthy body FIRST. I think if you get your head sorted, the rest will follow. For example, trying to eat healthier but having the crappest day in the world and just wanting a mahusive plate of nachos. GET THE NACHOS. It’s fine every now and then! Whatever you do, don’t eat nachos to make yourself feel better and then pile on 3 times the guilt for doing it. (Don’t even feel guilty about farting up a storm later, soz Jonny). If you’re gonna lay on the guilt, you may aswell have a salad. 

 You’ve got to allow yourself mistakes and step backs and lapses and slips and faux pas. Just accept it’s a part of being a human. 

Dwell in the mistake even, by treating yourself, not by stressing at yourself. For example, ‘I feel really fecking crap because I put loads of work in on this essay and got an inccccccredibly low grade’. Don’t repress the crappy feeling and pretend to be fine. Acknowledge it and slather around in it like a pig in mud. Dedicate the whole night to watching a funny film in a snuggly duvet shouting every now and then I FEEL LIKE CRAP, ESSAYS ARE THE DEVIL. 

Part of being a big believer in self-care is also allowing and encouraging other people to self-care. You forgive yourself for bad days, so forgive others as well. Say my best friend and I had been planning a big night out and it’s all we’ve talked about, and it’s important we do it because it’s the only time we’ll be free in the next 23423098 zillion years. Then she calls up saying she’s had a really bad day and doesn’t want to go out. Should I have a big stress and whine ’but you promised, you’re so selfish’? NOPE! Do a bit of gentle cajoling (because sometimes we all love a gentle cajole) (is cajole a word?!), and if she’s still not up for it, tell her to tuck up with some warm beverage and watch a film and get an early night. I’m sure we could find somewhere in our schedules another time. 

Sometimes it’s more difficult, and it’s really not clear what has pissed your friend off and she’s made a mean comment/had a big stress at you or someone else. And it seems really out of the blue. This happened a HELLUVA lot whilst living with 5 other girls at university (especially doing a teaching degree omg, the amount of work and stress?!). Just let em’ chill, leave them to it and send them a cutsie text later asking if they’re alright. I say if it really isn’t in their nature, give them the benefit of the doubt. 

I was the complete opposite, in that when I was having a hard time I would shut myself off, stay in my basement hovel, and mumble one word answers. Especially when I really didn’t have the energy to muster a conversation. The girls were amazing because by that time we had all got used to each other and they knew to leave me to sleep/sulk for weeks at a time. My bessie would check on me to see if I was alive, ask if I wanted to dance out my feelings at Propaganda, but other than that leave me alone till I felt better and would burst out from my dungeon like HI GUUUUUUUUYS, ISN’T IT A BEAUTIFUL DAAAAYY! 

I’d say that I learnt all I know about selfcare and how important it is from tumblr. Just google the selfcare hashtag and see the beautiful things you come across. The illustrations, the ideas, other people’s ideas, other people’s self-love and confidence. 

So please, go forth and nurture yourself! Have a kit kat :)

PS. It’s NOT about allowing destructive behaviour i.e. I’m so pissed off I’m going to drink a quart of vodka instead of my usual half-quart(and who measures in quarts anymore? You need to go back to school AND reflect on your method of self-care). It’s about looking after yourself when you need it. Which means yes, drinking that quart of vodka will not make yourself feel better.

PSS. I really have no idea how much a quart is and I can’t be bothered googling it to see the conversion. I do not advocate huge volumes of Smirnoff.

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